tomorrow, tomorrow, i'll love you tomorrow

i am so utterly, completely, and overwhelmingly depressed this evening.

all the flowers, all the love and the hugs. everything i gave to her i now realize was for nothing. she will never change. she will never see anything besides herself. she pushes you out of the way so she can see herself in the mirror.

i have a new job. this one will not last long. they never do.

even the little things i do to keep myself even partially happy are all erased. sitting in the park after work reading. eating peas on long walks down the hill towards the sunset. picking flowers and singing in the yard. none of it matters, because it is all so temporary.

even he forgot. i spent the night at home alone.

i'll be better tomorrow.