"only hippies have awakenings. everyone else is already awake"

gyoza and china whites, music and realizations. i have come to understand that people are much more worthless than i have always thought. or is it priceless?

today was my last day at work, i was so bored i almost died. but it was made better by an 8-page letter from a friend in the mail. oh how it made me grin. cody, you old fool.



the days are just slipping by now, like half-melted jello.

"the universe is shaped exactly like the earth. if you go straight long enough you'll end up where you were."

well whaddaya know...

as i was walking along last night with my aunt, i glanced in a tree. in the tree there was a Ziploc bag mostly covered in dead leaves and twigs. at first i thought it was drugs, since we were in an especially bad neighbourhood, but me being me, i looked anyway. after uncovering it, i saw that it was a present, wrapped in thick, rich navy blue paper, with raffia ribbon tied around it in a pretty bow. i grabbed it and turned to my aunt and asked if it was for me, not because i thought she put it there, but because i was just asking out loud. she said it was, so i opened it. it turns out that it was a movie that i have adored and wanted for a very long time. it was still wrapped in its original plastic store wrapping, with no price tag, and no name or note anywhere on the present, or the bag, or the wrapping paper.

i grinned from ear to ear. seeing as it is almost my birthday, or at least it's coming up, and there was just a random present from the universe sitting there waiting for me.

when we walked back in the opposite direction i left a note in the Ziploc bag that thanked whomever gave it to me.

hello dreams

my dreams are being more and more punctual and realistic as of late. just this morning i had one about stage fright, being on the spot, and embarrassing situations. i'm sure that i'm not going to go into details, but all these things are prominently positioned in my life.

another thing, i know it's near impossible, but i'm realizing more and more that i have flaws, and just what those flaws are. all you readers out there: you all knew i wasn't perfect, why didn't you just tell me?
this isn't to say that my ego is any smaller, but that i understand some parts of me better.

my old friend is leaving soon. and i'm sad about it. i didn't get it. but hey, neither did he.

some people are better left alone, i think.

the silver lining is stalking me

i've been having horrible days, punctuated by good memories that last only long enough for me to smile.

i've recently had a few new good memories added to my head. these new happenings have me smiling longer and giggling more. the second step makes me tall. tall enough to reach.

i've also been upgraded. i'm mid-quit at my current job, and heading towards a concrete building with more money than i can shake a hobostick at. there always seems to be a silver lining that won't let me be down. bad days end with great nights and "good nights," horrible mornings always have some sort of perk to the afternoon. the universe won't let me be unhappy.

my new job means clothes that are expensive, manicures, professionalism. i think wearing yellow is actually something that you can only do on a certain day.

but my hobostick stays unshaking, and i'm signed, sealed, and about to be delivered to a Big Boss, high heels, and a whole schwack of new addictions and people. no one in office buildings stays sane for long.

it's a good thing i'm ahead of the game. the leader of the pack. vrooom.




...i'm not sure if this new job is worth leaving. there are too many benefits.

this is not an emo blog

last night was hilarious. james, you old fool.

today tastes like soot in my mouth. dirty, dry waste, making me choke. suffocation somehow. even though nothing terrible happened. just a boring day. saturday night means jazz and liquor, laughter and smiles. or at least that's what it should mean. so far i've only got the jazz part down.

i am almost desperate for something. for it.

i can't tell if i'm depressed or just lazy, but i really hate getting out of bed in the morning. what makes it really complicated is that i absolutly hate the bed that i have, or rather, the bed that i share. it's incredibly uncomfortable, and smelly, and just plain repulsive.

this is the 31st post

an old friend came back into town. i haven't seen him in two years. i stole his money and his watch, and then he walked me home. we said goodbye, and i got the best hug i think i've ever gotten.

work gave me tomorrow off. i think they might be on to me.


i now don't know what to do with myself. i wasn't expecting to have tonight off, so i had nothing planned. and now there are too many options. i'm thinking cafe and book.

true story:

last night i met up with an old friend for drinks. we had a few pints at a local pub/eatery, then decided to catch the last train to his place to hang out and drink wine. at the station i saw a man who intrigued me*, so i sparked a conversation. his name was Augustus, and i convinced him to come to new west with us and drink. on the train we spoke of everything almost, and when we got to the right place we decided to head up the hill to a local cemetery and smoke. we found some friendly graves in the dark (it was around 2 am) and just hung around talking and playing night Frisbee for a while, before deciding that we should saunter on over to my friend's place. on the way there someone in a very fast car drove screeching past us and smashed into an electricity pole not 50 feet ahead of our trio. blue sparks flew and all the lights in the area, including the lampposts, were immediately darkened. we ran ahead to find that the car had vanished. we stumbled back to my friend's place anyway, and watched stand-up comedy on his lappy, before deciding to go for another walk back to the graveyard. where we lay around up on top of a hill on some unassuming graves. i fell asleep and was woken up 20 minutes later to see the horizon turn pink.

the next thing i knew i was waking up in my friend's place on a futon. Augustus lay sleeping on the other futon matress on the floor, and Barry was beside me, hogging the blanket and singular pillow. we all woke up before long to sunlight and my friend made us all tea. the morning took myself, my old friend, and this new fellow to Denny's. before long we were parting ways at the train**.

all in all, it was an excellent night.



*editor's note: Augustus is a 6'2" rail-thin male, aged 20 years old. he was wearing a dark navy trench coat/over coat made of wool on a 30+ degree day. he also wore black jack boots made out of ostrich skin, and had very long fingernails and wore many rings on his thin white fingers. his hair was styled in the way that it was shaved on the sides, and slick'd back on top. all in all this man exuded intimidation with his grand, terrifying stature. he also has one of the most sinister-looking smiles i have ever seen.
but he turned out to be a very interesting, sweet, and trustworthy gentleman. a professional extra, comes from a troubled home, and speaks in an accent that he never earned.

**i also saw my awesome cousin melissa at ihop. she's awesome.